Natalie - "Not being able to breastfeed was something I never thought I’d have to go through"
Stories of support
Another morning dawned of non-stop pumping, sterilising, attempting to breastfeed, and feeling like a failure. 7 weeks in, I was completely stuck. I knew deep down that I couldn’t go on like this, but I just could not shut the door on breastfeeding. Nobody really understood, they either told me I should protect my mental health and ‘just stop’ or they gave me ‘one last thing’ to try. I couldn’t even tell my partner how I was really feeling, he was worried enough already.
I’d always thought I’d just breastfeed. Everyone I knew breastfed, I knew it was important, I loved the idea of having my baby at the breast, and I had all this milk! But try as I might, Florence just screamed whenever she came close.
I booked an appointment with Baby Umbrella, but the thought of walking into a room with people breastfeeding filled me with dread. On the morning of the appointment, I found I just couldn’t go.
A few days later a message appeared out of the blue. “We saw that you didn’t make your appointment and just checking in. It can be hard to walk into a group sometimes - let us know if we can help in some other way.”
I immediately teared up. No judgement. Just plain kindness and understanding. A hand reaching out. Suddenly I felt less alone.
Over WhatsApp, I shared some of my worries, and rather than more feeding support, a listening appointment was suggested. A private and confidential place with an independent listener, a fellow mother, where it wasn’t about the mechanics of feeding, but specifically about my feelings.
When I signed in to the listening appointment, the tears came immediately, like a waterfall. It felt so safe and caring. With the support of the Listening Practitioner, I was able to consider what was keeping me stuck here, what I wanted, and what might help. Gentle support to find my own way forward.
I began to understand just how much we had been through, and that my feelings of grief were absolutely understandable. The Listening Practitioner encouraged me to treat myself more gently, to remind myself of the determination it had taken, and to accept that some things were not in my control.
I realised that our feeding journey might never be the one I expected and dreamed of. I realised that none of this is actually ‘my fault’ and that I don’t need to feel ashamed of it. I’m starting to feel proud of all the things we’ve done together, Florence and I. We’ve done our best and we’ve done it together.
"Not being able to breastfeed really was something I never thought I’d have to go through, and a grief I didn’t realise I’d experience. I felt SO heard and understood, and never felt I was being too ‘dramatic’.”
Gently reaching out to vulnerable families, and encouraging them into targeted, deeply human support can be highly impactful. It can feel ‘life saving’ for families who feel alone in their struggles, and can stop mental health struggles from perpetuating.
Stories of support
This story is a fictionalised composite, created from themes and experiences shared across many of the families we support. The short quote is real, but details have been changed to protect privacy.
